I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
