i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
