I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
