I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize