JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
