That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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