I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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