so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
