shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
