New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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