I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I need water and some morals
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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