Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
