I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
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Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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