I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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