Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
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She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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