no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
