Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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