Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
