So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
