My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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