It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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