WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's blow job season.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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