i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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