Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Success! We fucked roommates!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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