If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
