is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
