I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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