So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
