all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
