Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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