I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize