She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
