His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Two words: nipple clamps
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