My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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