WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
