OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
