I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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