it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
