I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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