White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
