You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
