hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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