my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
