good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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