If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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