Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
