This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
