Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
