I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
