Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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