How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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