took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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