and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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