what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
