I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
