12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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