i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
