Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
