literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
