Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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