I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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