Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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