did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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