i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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