Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You made out with two different species that night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
