the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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