i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
