Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
