the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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