Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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