70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
