Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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