He is such a slut. More and more my type.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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