I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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