I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
