Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
