i just sent this text using only my big toe
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
