This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
