I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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