Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
